


Dario Bart

by ThatPeskyBoat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Date?, F/M, Fluff, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Quadrant Confusion, anyway, so that's why this is a teen lmao, the most mature thing about this fic is the very immature conversation about boob grabbing, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 00:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18712405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatPeskyBoat/pseuds/ThatPeskyBoat
Summary: John plays a rip-off of Mario Kart





	Dario Bart

**Author's Note:**

> Hap birth Feid ;3
> 
> (please don't crucify me i've never properly written john before)

TG: so. john. when u stuck ur hand thru the weird magic portal window thingy. did u ever grab... a tity  
EB: what?! no, never!  
TG: u never grabbed a tit before john? wow ur even more of a loser than i thought lmao

John sighs. The question had originally had him taken aback, making him feel like she was flirting with him (when _wasn’t_ Roxy flirting with someone? That was her friendship cornerstone!), but then she went and hit him with that.

EB: hey! i don’t just go around grabbing people’s boobs with my ghostly detached arm! that would be weird and invasive.  
EB: are you saying _you_ go around grabbing people’s boobs with your invisi-hands?  
TG: lmao no john i’ve got my own titties to grab so step up dude  
TG: get on my lvl and grab ur own boobers

As much as that is a totally dumb suggestion since John doesn’t even _have_ proper boobs (maybe he does a little bit of a moob but he swears that’s just baby fat he never managed to work off), he does decide to give his pec a little squeeze. It’s surprisingly fun, but other than that it's completely pointless and a total waste of time. He decides not to tell Roxy about this lest she decide to tease him, or at least screenshot the message as blackmail material. 

EB: i don’t _need_ boobs roxy.  
EB: i’ve got something way better to play with.  
TG: wow i was NOT expecting this conversation to turn this way john  
TG: gettin all fuckin wild with the twists and turns and shit  
TG: givin me sme wicked whiplash from how sudden this conversation slam dunked itself into the gutter  
TG: 3-pointer or whatevs  
EB: i wasn’t talking about that! the conversation absolutely did not go “that way” but instead has stayed firmly on the same path it was always on.  
EB: er. well i mean it’s definitely strayed from the boob talk to different route yeah but it’s not like that!  
EB: i was talking about my video games.  
TG: mhm suuuuuuuuure u were. Totally. defo. 100 percento. i believe u  
EB: ugh! i was!  
EB: in fact, before you said that i was going to invite you over to play dario bart with me.  
EB: but now i might have to reconsider who i decide to play video games with!  
TG: isnt dario bart that super shitty and glitchy ripoff of mario kart that dave accidentally alchemised that one tmie  
TG: *time  
TG: by mixing it w one of his comics rite??  
EG: yeah i’m not going to lie that’s exactly what it is haha.  
EG: unfortunately i don’t actually own any legit copies of mario kart.  
TG: u could just pirate them lmao  
EG: roxy i happen to be a very much law abiding citizen.  
EG: i can’t believe you’d ever think i’d be so low as to do something like _that_.  
EG: also i literally don’t know how to pirate stuff.  
TG: lmaoooooooooo  
TG: adorbs  
EG: i’m not ""adorbs"" rox.  
EG: anyway i also just felt like sending my eyes to hell to see if i’d meet god or something on the way there.  
EG: even though we’re the literal gods of this universe.  
TG: i feel u  
TG: aight u got me ill come over and play super shitty eye-sorey mario bart w u  
TG: tho if i completely wreck u that’s on u lmao  
EG: didn’t i just take back the invi oh and you’re off line god damn it.

John barely had the chance to set anything up before Roxy waltzed on in through his unlocked door. She had gotten there so fast that if they hadn’t had the ability to fly as well as access to a series of complexly connected transportalisers, John would’ve surely assumed that she had actually been waiting on the road outside whilst they were texting. 

ROXY: eyo whats the hip-hapz  
JOHN: you were literally talking to me five minutes ago. literally nothing could have realistically have happened since.  
ROXY: eh well u kno a lot can happen in five minutes wonk

Roxy winks as she says wonk and John groans as she wink-wonks at him.

ROXY: anywayz lets get this dario party started

Roxy flops down to the ground, having picked up a controller on the way through to her impromptu seat. After a moment of finishing up set-up, John sits down next to her, wondering if she had been waiting for an opportunity like this. _Maybe_ , a little voice in the back of his head says, _maybe you’re the one who’s been waiting for an opportunity like this_. He looks at her smiling as she crashes her kart into a wall, glitching through the map entirely and ending up underneath it to make a beeline to the finish, and believes that the little voice might actually be right. 

The pair play for long enough that it starts to get dark outside. When they notice this, John decides to try and be some kind of smooth, and offers to buy pizza for the pair of them. However, this was probably a mistake on his part, seeing as Roxy insists on having Every Single Topping on her side of the pizza. He’s not sure whether she genuinely enjoys the horrific amalgamation of flavours that this would surely result in or whether she’s doing it to fuck with his head. He decides to go with the latter. That is until the pizzas arrive, and she digs into the pizza with clear enjoyment. Somehow this gross display of total nonchalance when it comes to pizza toppings doesn’t disturb him. Maybe she just never got many opportunities to appreciate pizza before, especially since she lived in the middle of an ocean.

It’s another few hours before John finally decides to turn off the TV and game console, his eyes officially obliterated by the shitty graphics and blindingly bright colours of the jpeg’d artifacts in game. He doesn’t mind though, since at some point Roxy had dropped out of the game. He hadn’t had a chance so far to ask her why she did so, but now he realises it’s because she’s fallen asleep on his shoulder. Unfortunately for John, this meant that he couldn’t possibly move without disturbing her. However, always the gentleman, John resigned to his fate and does the windy thing to beckon over a couple of blankets to drape over the sleeping Lalonde.

As confused as he is, and may always be, over what he means to her, he’s content right now. And that’s all he could ask for.


End file.
